Part One: The Three Trials
Introducing Guybrush Threepwood, pirate extraordinaire! Well, pirate wannabe at any rate. Anywho, the blind look-out tells you to head to the SCUMM Bar and find the pirate leaders. Once you regain control of the hero, do just that. You can check out the Governor's election poster if you want, but otherwise just head to the Bar. The Grog House can be found by walking to the right. Open the door and step in.
Quite the jumpin' place...especially that guy on the chandelier. There are three people in this area that you can talk to. The first, Mancomb Sheepgood, can be found right by the door. The second is the one raising and lowering his Grog mug, he tells you about LeChuck. The third is the one at the last table with the small hat, who shamelessly promotes LOOMTM. All of these conversations are optional and just offer some flavor text, so it's up to you if you want to chat with any of them. You can also, amusingly, talk to the dog. When you're done pestering the bar patrons, walk to the curtain.
You should see three Important Looking Pirates sitting behind a table. Talk to them. You can greet them anyway you choose, so pick what you feel is the funniest one. Now ask about becoming a pirate (or the other one's, but then you have to start over), and ask about each one. The Grog ingredients are funny, and you can insult them if you want, but otherwise you're done here. On with the game!
Okay, here's how this is going to work. You can complete the trials in any order, but for the purposes of this walkthrough I'll do them in the order given by the Important Looking Pirates. When I play through the game, I usually have everything I need by the time I Master the Sword, but I will lay this out so that you only get what you need for that particular quest as much as possible.
Master the Sword
Before you leave the bar, hang out near the kitchen door and wait for the cook to come out. When he does, enter the kitchen. Pick Up the Pot underneath the table along the back wall. Now walk out the door to the right to get to the little dock area. You'll see a seagull eating a fish. I don't know about you, but I find that the most useful thing you can have in your pocket is a dead fish. The seagull won't just let you take its meal, so we'll have to be sneaky. Walk all the way to the end of the lower plank and the loose board will catapult the seagull slightly into the air. Do this twice more to send the seagull high enough into the air that you'll have time to run over and Pick Up the Fish. Now leave the bar.
Now I know you're anxious to explore the vast town of MêléeTM, but first you need to head left and up the cliff face. Head past the Lookout post to enter the overhead view. Near where you stand (you are now two pixels) is a purple dot. Go to the purple dot, grasshopper. Good job, now walk left and enter the circus tent. When you get a chance to, interrupt the Fettecini Brothers' animated conversation. They try to get you to let them shoot you out of a cannon. Even though this is pirate times, capitalism still reigns supreme so we shouldn't just do this fun task for free. You can ask them what they'll pay you, or just agree and you'll still get a handful of loot. Tell them that you have a helmet, then Give them the Pot when prompted, and you'll waltz into the cannon.
Ow. Well, now you have money. Head back to town, and pass the SCUMM Bar and walk to the archway. There's not much to do here on Low Street for the sword quest, but to the left are some Men of Low Moral Fiber (pirates) you can talk to for some optional dialogue.
For some more optional stuff, you can enter the first door on the right on the left hand street. Not much appears to be inside save for a suspiciously obvious item that we don't need yet. If you walk all the way to the right and you'll encounter the Voodoo Lady. Talk to her about everything, then head back out. Walk under the clock to encounter the next section of town, High Street.
Some mysterious words are appearing out of the alley, you should go check them out. In there you meet up with Fester Shinetop, the sheriff of Mêlée IslandTM. Say whatever you want, then exit the alley.
The building immediately to the right of the alley is the shop, and that should be your next stop. Inside is a crabby storekeeper. Find the sword hanging on the wall and talk to the shop keeper. Inquire about the Sword, and then ask to buy it. Now, ask about the Sword Master of Mêlée IslandTM. Once he leaves to go talk to her, follow him outside. Keep following him down Low Street and across the docks, then head past the lookout and into the island proper.
Once on the overhead view, walk to the fork in the path (where the 2-pixel shopkeeper goes) to enter the forest. You must now follow the old grouch through the woods, taking the exact path that he takes. Eventually, he pulls on a sign that raises a bridge. Follow him across and Guybrush will hang back and listen in on grumpy's conversation with Carla, a.k.a. the Sword Master. Hmmm...interesting. You can't possible win now, so exit the forest from whence you came.
On the map, head to the dot on the lower right portion of the map (Capt. Smirk's). On the way, you are stopped at the bridge by a troll. Offer a dialog choice or two, then, when you can access your inventory, give him the fish. You automatically leave, and discover that George Lucas is the troll (I'm not kidding. That's who it's supposed to be). Now, onward to the dot-on-the-lower-right.
This is the home of a sword teacher. To convince him to train you, you need to do a classic "do so/do not" argument with him. Just pay him and you're in! During the humorous training sequence, pick any dialogue choices that you want, then exit the area when your lesson is over.
Now to fight! There are some new pixel stacks wandering around on the island. Those are pirates. Your goal is to run into one and initiate a meeting. You can make small talk with the pirate if you want, but the way forward is to threaten their life. Once combat starts, you'll lead off by hurling an insult. If the pirate has no rebuttal, then you score a point. If the pirate offers a witty retort, then he scores a point and will lead off the next round with an insult. The first one to earn three points wins.
While you start off with a mere two insults, you'll learn more as your pirate adversaries hurl them your way. You won't know how to counter these until you hurl them back at another pirate. Not all pirates know all the responses, so just keep going until you find one that knows the correct rebuttal. If you want a quick reference, see the Insult List.
You can gather all of the insult/response combos, or just enough that you consistently win matches. Carla will refuse to fight you until you have won at least three bouts, so at least learn all you can until that happens. When you feel prepared, go fight the Sword Master. She is the only one who insults during the battle, and the first to six points wins. But wait! What's this?! She has new insults!
You have nothing to fear, however, as all the witty retorts you've already learned still work. You just need to adapt them to fit the new situation. The correct responses are, again, contained in the Insult List if you're having trouble. Once you hit that coveted sixth point, collect your prize and move on! If you want, you can Give this to the Pirate Leaders, or just embark on the next quest.
Master the Art of Thievery
First things first, head to the island overview and go to the Fork to enter the forest. You may have picked up some Yellow Flowers while following the Shopkeeper to the Sword Master, but if not then it's time to do so. Luckily they're not too hard to find. Just take the back exit on the first screen and you'll spot them. After you Take them, go ahead and leave the forest.
Head back to town, and enter the SCUMM Bar. Sneak into the kitchen again by waiting until the chef goes into the main dining area. Take the Meat sitting on the table, then Use it in the pot of boiling water. Pick Up the stewed Meat. This bit of larceny complete, leave and make your way back to High Street.
As a quick side note: due to how I'm splitting this guide up, you might not have any money if you just jumped in here. You only need a single Piece of Eight to complete this quest, so you can stop by Low Street really quick and chat with the Men of Low Moral Fiber (Pirates) hanging out with the town rat. Ask them about maps, and when you get a chance tell them you'll accept the Minutes for the town meeting if they pay you two Pieces of Eight. Anyway, on to High Street...
The structure on the far left, between the archway and the church, is your next destination. Head inside the town jail and talk to Otis, the prisoner. Ewww...he needs to freshen up his breath a little first. Go to the shop and buy some Breath Mints, then return and give them to Otis. Feel free to chat about whatever you want, but he doesn't say anything super useful at this stage. You can ask him about the Sheriff for an extra scene with the lawman, but otherwise just head back outside when you're done talking.
Head under the arch to the left and walk to the mansion. Gasp! Piranha Poodles! Use the Flower Petal you picked up in the forest with the Cooked Meat, then use the Meat with Condiment with the poodles. Open the door to the mansion and head on in.
Welcome to the mansion! There's a door immediately to your right, which you should Open and walk through. You are treated to an automatic, and fairly amusing, sequence. Guybrush will automatically pick up and use several items, doing battle with all manner of creature, until at last he finds the Idol. Sadly, you can't get past the lock without a file. Head back to Otis.
Talk to him and ask if he has a file. He does not, but he does have a Carrot Cake that his Aunt Tilly made for him. He won't just hand it over, despite the fact that he is ungratefully refusing to eat it, until you can figure out a way to scare off the rats. One of the items you picked up during your adventures behind the Governor's walls was some Gopher Repellent. Give that to Otis and he'll hand you the Carrot Cake. Use the cake, and you uncover a file! Head back into the mansion, and go into the gaping hole where the painting used to be to return to the hidden madcap adventures.
Eventually you'll recover the Idol and return back to visible space. You are quickly confronted by the Sheriff. Pick whatever dialogue option you want, and Governor Elaine Marley will appear and call off Shinetop. Choose any attempt at dialogue you want until Elaine gives up and leaves. When you attempt to leave the mansion, Shinetop will stop you. He confiscates your Sword, if you had one, ties the Idol to your leg, and pushes you off the dock.
You're now trapped underwater and surrounded by all sorts of sharp objects that can cut the rope you're tied with. Unfortunately, they're all out of reach. There are two things that you can do at this point. One is to see if Guybrush was telling the truth earlier about being able to hold his breath for ten minutes. It turns out he can, and if you wait that long then he'll drown. The safer option for your lungs is to just Pick Up the Idol. Once it's back in your pocket, Guybrush will automatically grab a Sword and ascend the ladder to safety.
Unless you saved this quest for last, you'll have a fun scene with Elaine. Guybrush has figured out to talk to a girl! With a renewed sense of urgency, it's time to move on to the last trial. With a brief stop to show the Pirate Leaders the Fabulous Idol if you want.
Master the Quest
If you haven't gotten paid by the Circus yet, due to skipping right here instead of first Mastering the Sword, then here's a quick recap. Take the Pot from the SCUMM Bar's kitchen, then head to the Circus. Agree to be fired out of the cannon and show off your Pot helmet to get a bunch of money.
Riches in hand, head to the Low Street portion of the town. There's a shady looking parrot with a man under his feet. Chat with that man you use your best code phrase to initiate some dialogue. Once you're able to buy a Map from him, make your way to the shop on High Street. Pick up the Shovel you see on the upper floor, then Talk to the Shopkeeper to buy it. Once you have both Map and Shovel, make your way to the island overview and go to the Fork to enter the forest.
Look at the map, and you see dancing lessons...peculiar. Use these lessons to get through the woods. Back is the entrance at the top of the screen, and left and right are obvious. If you are not inclined to follow along, then just go "Back Left Right; Left Right Back; Right Left Back".
Once at the end, use the shovel on the "X", and claim some of the treasure. You automatically fill the hole back in (and paint a new X), so all you have to do is go back to town. If this was not your last quest, you can turn in the prize to the Pirate Leaders.
How to save your Plunder Bunny
Like the Trials, obtaining the ship and three crew members can be done in any order, and you can even do some whilst completing another. So, I'll just have them listed here without getting the items necessary for the others.
Getting a Ship
In the lower section of the map, between Capt. Smirk's and the toll bridge is a section with a plethora of lights. Go there. You are greeted by Stan, of Stan's Previously Owned Vessels. When he asks what kind of ship you're looking for say that you "really don't have that much to spend" and you are taken to the Sea Monkey. After being asked how much you're willing to pay, tell him that you were hoping to get one on credit. Stan will let you know that he'll happily accept a note of credit from the Shopkeeper. Back your way out of the conversation and leave the area. Stan will appear at the exit and give you a compass and a business card. Joy. Now, head back to town.
Go to the Store and talk to the Shopkeeper. Ask him about procuring a note of credit, and tell him that you do indeed have a job. Pay attention to how he opens the safe, then pick any job description you want. In case you didn't write down, or remember, the safe combo watch it again. This is random, so I can't give you anything definite, I can tell you that you pull # times, push # times, pull # times, then push # times. Anywho, ask him about the Sword Master and he'll leave again. After he's gone open the safe. Now go back to Stan's.
Ask to see "that cheap one again", then tell him about your credit slip, and then you can start haggling. First talk about extras. Say no to every one of them. You can stop talking about extras once Stan gets back to the "Porthole Defoggers." Now make an offer. The note of credit in your possession is for 5,000 pieces of eight, which is less than the ship is worth so you need to make that seem like a lot. So, start the offers a 2,000 and work your way up to 5,000 at increments of 1,000. The final offer of 5,000 will seem good to Stan, and you get the ship. Leave the ship yard, and you're now ready to get a crew.
Recruiting Carla
Go to the Sword Master's hideout. Talk to Carla, and tell her that "The Governor's been KIDNAPPED!" You'll automatically show her the note and she'll join you. Easy, huh?
Recruiting Meathook
If you haven't done so already, head to the Voodoo Shop on Low Street. You can chat with the Voodoo Lady in the back for some vague hints about what's to come, but the main thing you need to do here is pick up the Rubber Chicken with a pulley in the middle sitting on top of a crate. Chicken in hand, leave town.
Go to the Island on the upper right portion of the map. Climb up the ladder and use the Rubber Chicken with the cable. Open the door on the 'ouse and 'ead in. Talk to Meathook. There are some amusing dialogue trees to be seen here, and a fun tattoo trick, so I recommend checking out the optional dialogue.
When you're ready to continue, tell Meathook about Elaine's abduction. Before he'll join your crew, you must first prove yourself. To do that, you must face....the Beast! Once you regain control, open the little box door. Do whatever you want to the Beast, and then Meathook will join you.
Climb the ladder, use the chicken, and then head back to the island overview.
Recruiting Otis
To the town of MêléeTM!! Stop at the SCUMM Bar. Grab all three Mugs that are sitting on the tables and then go past the curtain. The chef is loudly lamenting the loss of business, and you can snag the two Mugs near him if you want to have some extras (recommended for a first run).
Walk into the kitchen, then fill one of the mugs with Grog from the barrel. The Grog begins melting through the mug instantly, so you must quickly make your way to the jail. On the way, if your mug status becomes "mug near death," immediately use it with one of the other mugs. Repeat process if necessary. Once in the cell, use the mug with the lock on Otis's cell. You'll tell him (if you haven't already) that Elaine has been kidnapped, and he'll distract you and run off.
Leaving Mêlée IslandTM
Go to the docks when all above has been accomplished. Any response to Otis and Carla will do, then you're ready to set sail!
